The work of becoming
When I meet others, I get curious to go beyond the typical “what do you do?” conversation. I get interested about the person behind the work, to understand their “why,” partly because a clear sense of purpose is the foundation of being an authentic authority and partly because it helps me know how to work with them. Lastly, it’s because my “why” matters so much to me.
For years, I pursued work that asked a great deal of me: founding schools, building organizations, raising funds, and leading communities. I cared deeply about what we were creating. I also found it easier to recognize my value when I was accomplishing something. Becoming a mother while living abroad changed how I related to the importance of my work.
My husband and I had built what felt like a fairytale life, yet stepping away from work brought forward questions that my achievements couldn’t outpace. During the pandemic, I confronted alcohol addiction and entered sobriety. Over four years of working with a human development expert, I began to understand the patterns beneath my striving and develop a steadier sense of safety within myself. I became safe to be around, and safe to be myself. At last.
That experience changed how I understood my clients. I had been, for example, someone who said “yes” to being available to help, and set my acquiescence as the standard. It was merely, however, a bad habit that came from insecurity I hadn’t worked on yet. My clients related more to this than I knew. Their patterns coming from early childhood showed up in the habits that made them effective... but also kept them stuck in a jar. They also shaped expectations they weren’t consciously choosing and needed to redefine who they were as leaders at a greater level.
My “why” in leadership is that it matters more than ever to examine our experience, develop a clear point of view, and express what we are prepared to stand behind. I care about the contribution people can make when less of their energy is spent establishing their value and more is available for discernment, connection, and meaningful work.
The vision behind the vision is that the future takes shape through the decisions and relationships we create today. What we understand about ourselves changes what we make possible for others. In fact, understanding ourselves is part of taking responsibility for the culture of the organization. Our private assumptions about value and belonging can become public expectations, and this matters in businesses and communities alike.
At a time when so many people experience loneliness and struggle with their mental health, we leaders have a responsibility to examine the conditions we help create. This is why I do the work of becoming, of transmuting pain into wisdom on behalf of the greater purpose of your business.
